So, you finally arrived here in Australia. You are ready to be comfy on your new home, immerse yourself on the new culture, try all the Aussie food, and live your new life. It’s a brave new world out there!
And then two weeks later, boom! It hits you. You miss your old room. You miss grandma’s cooking. You miss the neighborhood. The sense of isolation and melancholy is getting the best of you. You want to go home. All these excitements of starting a new life now taking a backseat. You now want your old life back.
Homesickness has been plaguing people for ages, from European explorers to pilgrims to World War I and II soldiers to the modern expatriates and exchange students. It is an underrated and underestimated emotional condition that has drove people to desolation and breached contracts. And while going back home isn’t really an immediate possibility, there are ways to tide the longing and continue what you set out to do.
Homesickness isn’t necessarily missing home, but the habits and routines associated with it. Since you can’t go back to those anymore, creating new activities to revolve your daily life on will work just as fine. And no, we’re not discussing about you waking up, getting your coffee, and taking the drive to work. We’re talking about the extra things that give your otherwise conventional day into something extraordinary. It could be meeting a few friends after work, reading a good book on your favorite coffee shop, doing yoga, or a jog in the morning. These will provide distractions as you get immersed in your new life.
And speaking of jogging…
It is no secret that working out releases happy hormones in your body. This is perfect to combat depression commonly associated with homesickness. Also, being physically active keeps you away from bad eating which again, is a huge tendency of those experiencing stress and longingness.
So choose a physical activity that you like and stick with it. A morning jog, yoga sessions, weightlifting, or even playing your favorite sport (Australia’s obsession with sports is huge). It will strengthen your immune system, which means you will have more ammunition to fight off sickness while you adjust to a new atmosphere.
Also, by joining fitness clubs or workout classes, you will meet more people and have more friends, which lead us to…
Of a different family that is. It might the household on your shared apartment, or your coworker’s core relatives. Having them “adopt” you will get rid of any feelings of loneliness. Have them invite you to family functions, dinners, or parties. No, they will never replace your folks back at home, but they can provide a sense of belongingness which is way, way better than getting yourself drunk alone at home during Thanksgiving.
And since we’re on the topic of Thanksgiving …
Since your real family is away, there’s no way you can slice turkey with them. But you can celebrate it with your adoptive family! Treat them to a thanksgiving dinner (you may use chicken, turkey burgers, or other alternatives instead) once a year. Or, if you’re from the Philippines, celebrate Christmas Eve with a Chinese ham and leche flan with them on the table
This works on both ways. First, you will get a taste of home by sharing your traditions with other people. And second, your new family will have new experiences and new food to try. Win-win, if you’ll ask us.
If you think you are helping yourself by spending four hours a day on Skype keeping in touch with your family back home, you are wrong. This will only bolster the longing and homesickness. The same thing happens when you drown yourself in social media, constantly keeping in touch what your friends are having for lunch because you can’t afford to miss out.
You have an entire world to discover out there. Make new friends, try new foods, join groups, and learn new hobbies. You have a new home now. Know and enjoy it. Your relatives and buddies back home are going on with their daily lives, you should too on your end.
Homesickness doesn’t only make you spiral down into depression, but makes you absentminded as well. Counter this by acquiring new skills and hobbies such as learning a new language, attending cooking classes, learn painting or even martial arts. Doing so will keep your brain on foot, alert, and able to retain more information. Plus, it can get you occupied and helps you create a new network of friends.
No matter how much you feel alone about being homesick, the thing is, well, you are not alone. You are not the only one who had struggled to cope up with this dilemma. Actually, there is definitely someone in your workplace, group, or club going through the same thing. Reach out and find someone who you can open up about this. Better if that person had gone through the same thing.
You need to remember that it is OK to feel bad about it. It is OK to burst in tears once in a while. Ignoring it and pretending that such trouble isn’t happening will only make things worse. You lost productivity at work, become temperamental, or worst, become self-destructive. Opening up to a person or a group doesn’t hurt.
And speaking of which…
Expatriates, foreign students, and newly migrants, in a futile attempt to deaden negativity, engage themselves in unproductive behaviors that only hurt them more in the long run. They drown themselves in alcohol, they gamble, spend so much in shopping, do dangerous and illegal pursuits, and worst of all, they resort to substance abuse.
Such endeavors only numb the pain in a short time. When they get back to being sober or on their normal routines, the emotional trouble returns and then it becomes a viscous cycle. Remember that establishing connection with other people and focusing on your positive growth as a person are the things you need to concentrate on. If you feel complete and productive as a migrant, the waves of homesickness are easier to tide on.
We’ve all been warned about the changes that will happen when moving to a foreign land. You will meet new friends, learn new languages, and try different foods; you know, all those stuff your expatriate friends and relatives keep telling you. But along the way, there will be these tiny occurrences that will barrel your way and sucker punch you into mild depression and a progressing case of “I want to go home.”
We are here to talk about those life-changing experiences which everybody think are too trivial to talk about.
When moving to another country, you will only feel two emotions: excitement and fear. And you will entertain and juggle these two while on your six-hour plane trip (“I can finally visit the Forbidden Palace and order authentic Chinese foo… wait, I don’t know Chinese!.”). But upon setting your foot on the new land up to your first three months living there, the third (and evil) sibling of these emotions will rear its ugly head: hate.
And no, you don’t hate because you are far away from home and you are stuck in this alien life for good or other huge changes you’re having. You feel irritated and exasperated because of the small inconveniences that comes to you on a non-stop, daily basis. Whether it’s the fact that they serve pineapple and beetroot on your burger; or most of the restaurants won’t accept credit cards, or hey, is that milk on sealed plastic bag? Really, guys? It never ends. And it piles up.
And you can’t do anything to change that. Back home, you just take a deep breath , walk away, and find an alternative. In your new country, it’s the universal rule. And you have to deal with it.
People will play this "moving abroad" thing down, so we will give an analogy to illustrate what it really feels like: Your homeland is like your bedroom. It’s where everything is familiar and comfortable. Moving abroad is like going to your new job or your new school where everybody doesn’t know you and is not really enthusiastic on helping you feel at home.
Consider having this feeling on a daily basis. You will learn to think on your feet, get creative, and improvise. Your senses are constantly sharp (“What is the Serbian-speaking guy trying to tell me? Oh, my chair’ is stabbing his toes!”), and surprises, whether good or bad, are staples of everyday life (“What do you mean you didn’t save our payroll before the system crashed?”).
Yes, there’s always adrenaline rush. Routine becomes an alien concept. Waking up means dealing again with a dozen of different emotions all at the same time. And here’s the catch: it is addictive.
Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once said “Adversity is what brings people together.” We don’t know much about him, but we are pretty sure he hasn’t lived abroad, otherwise that quote would look different. When you are in a completely unfamiliar territory, your compatibility with a fellow countrymen increases by 300% even if they are complete strangers. It doesn’t matter how huge your differences are i.e. they are weird, your age gap is big, your industry is unrelated, they love DC and you worship Marvel, etc, you will be huge BFFs, at least for the time being.
You will exchange stories from back at home, share your discontent about your adaptive country, talk about life, work, and dreams comfortably like you have known each other since kindergarten years whereas you only exchanged glances three minutes ago.
The surge of endorphins is no illusion. You are away from home, confused, exhausted, and ready to spiral down to depression with a slight push. Seeing someone who thinks, feels, and perceives the same way as you do on a cultural level is what your psyche is aching for to maintain sanity. You need that newfound countryman in your life. Thus the sudden establishment of connection, comfortability, and compatibility.
That cricket-induced (the sports variety) mass hysteria in your country that you can’t even understand? You won’t see that in the US. You only occasionally dig McDonald’s fried chicken? Good luck seeing that in Japan. You always tip huge to show your gratitude? No need for that in Australia (OK, you will probably enjoy that even more).
The thing is, the almost negligible details that completes the intimate and convenient picture of home will be missing in your new country. This provides the feeling of unfamiliarity, or worse, inconveniences that lead to our item number one. You might not be into cricket, but the mania that follows it disrupts what could be a routine and boring day back home. In the United States, you have to find other disruptions. The same goes with craving for fried chicken in Japan. You can find that in KFC stores three city blocks away (Japan isn’t really big in fast food). It suddenly gives rise to inconvenience. You might not care about something back home, but you actually need it to go on with your day.
If the above case is bad, consider if the thing you miss is something you really, really love. And most of the time, nostalgia hits you on the most inconvenient time and place. Just a sight or smell of a favorite food or a sample tune of favorite song will flood you with memories of family and friends back home.
Technological connectivity and social media does not make it easier either. Yes, it will allow you to follow on what’s happening back home, bringing you closer to them, but it also shows how far and inaccessible you are. “We are having a Christmas feast here in the Philippines. How’s Hanukkah over there?”
Nostalgia is bittersweet. Either you love it or you hate. You deal with it for good. It will be a part of you once you set your foot outside the land. And yes, even when you come back. It’s because…
That’s right. Given that you have lived abroad for a considerable amount of time, things will go full circle. You have become comfortable with you adoptive country that you become a foreigner on your homeland. Suddenly, everybody is driving on the right side again (“I need to return to the UK!”), the chopsticks are wooden again (“Korea, take me back!”), you frown on splitting the bill (“Thanks for institutionalizing me, France.”), and you are carrying a bunch of dinars on a dollar-using country. The list goes on.
And every time you see a native of your expatriation country, you feel the urge to spend half of the day with them because working abroad made you confusing.
But these are not weird after all. They are all signs of reverse culture shock (yes, there is such a thing). The feeling of distress experienced upon re-entry to your country. We human beings are formed by evolution to adapt to which ever land we are on. The fact that you are experiencing shock means you have accustomed quite well with your expatriation country. So celebrate and enjoy that smoked yogurt soft served ice cream, because welcome back to Australia!
I won’t deny it. I took the chances of working on a foreign country solely for money. If it wasn’t for the dwindling economy and the rising cost of living, I would just stay home, talk to people that speaks my language, and enjoy the food that I grew up eating. Let’s admit it. Comfort zone is the best zone. It is where you feel safe, secure, and at home.
But the circumstances pushed me out. I traveled to a country I only see on the episodes of Lonely Planet Six Degrees, meet strange people, and traverse the first world urban jungle. I did earned a lot of money. And even saved a lot more. Working in a first world country has its blessings. But I’ll tell you, the financial benefits of this endeavor is just the tip of a colossal ice berg that is the amalgamation of perks of working outside your homeland. I really believe I should have done this a long time ago, and everybody should try it at least once in their lives.
So why should you work abroad? Here are a few reasons…
I won’t lie. It scared me to death realizing that I won’t see, talk, dine, and drink with my family and friends for a while. I imagined being alone, missing home, and getting depressed in my new country.
Upon landing ashore, an entirely different world burst in front of me. It’s so alien. So bizarre. And so intimidating. It constantly shook me up and threw me off my balance. And that’s how I learned to continuously get back on my feet and think outside the box. I have done things and learned new skills I never imagined I could.
You see, at home you are comfortable and complacent. I’m not saying it’s bad, but it’s holding you back. Yes, those pillows and blanket on a cold weekend morning would probably mean the world to you and staying in bed all day seems to be the most reasonable things to do, but there so many things you’ll be missing out on. The friends you’ll be meeting, the errands you will be running, the places you’ll be going. There’s an entirely different world out there. Yes, it’s scary to face it. But you can never be excited without being a bit scared.
Prior to being an expat, I have traveled to other countries as well. And I thought I was already “exposed” to their culture because I talked to a few locals and tried their street food for a few days. I’ve never been so wrong. You get exposed when you experience shock, confusion, and disturbance to new ways of living, challenging your prior beliefs and reservations.
And it isn’t just one culture I have to deal with. I worked with Europeans, Asians, Middle Eastern, and Africans. Our office, an expansive singular room filled with tables and cubicle, is nothing short of a United Nations global convention (a colleague calls the cafeteria “the Cantina” in reference to Star Wars).
By getting immersed in new cultures, you develop a thicker skin, trust your gut during periods of fear and confusion, learn to think on your feet, and push through your challenges. Evolutionarily, we are not supposed to be stagnant people. Our ancestors travel in search of resources, and therefore were constantly exposed to new lands, environment, and other people. Once the shock subsides, you will learn to embrace the new experiences. You will realize that the world is very small, and despite the differences in ethnicity, belief, and language, at the core we are just the same.
Contrary to popular belief, racking up as much likes in Facebook or followers in Instagram as humanly possible does not constitute social skills, at least for me it isn’t. Social savviness is the capability to effectively (take note on the operative word) interact and communicate with others, whether it is on verbal or non-verbal level. You might get away with being an anonymous, antisocial introvert whose communal interaction with others is often limited to “Hi.” and “Bye.” Abroad, this won’t help you much.
Like I’ve said, once the initial shock of the new culture subsides, that’s where you’ll start embracing your new experiences, and that includes making new friends. There’s something quite exhilarating about establishing relationship and connections with someone whose set of experiences and perception is different than that of yours. Each thing you share in common, each moment you gained each other’s trust is something worth treasuring.
Buy why be a sociable person? First, it takes the loneliness and sadness away by making contact with other people. Second, it makes work life easier. Imagine the people around you giving a helping hand because you know how to express yourself and ask what you want. And lastly, it will open more opportunities for you.
No one could have said better than Keith Ferrazi. In his book Never Eat Alone, he stated “Today’s most valuable currency is social capital, defined as the information, expertise, trust, and total value that exist in the relationships you have and social networks to which you belong.” Indeed enough, your success in life is determined not only by how much you know, but who you know. By expanding your network, you make yourself more open to other possibilities and opportunities. As long as they are the right people and your relationship with them is genuine and substantial enough, you may tap on them when the time arises, whether it be career growth, investments, new projects, or business expansions.
But networking does just go on singular direction either. It goes both ways. You too become a part of their connections, and you be ready to be tapped when the opportunity comes. Before you know it, you are already on your way to climb the career ladder or be part of a growing startup. The probabilities are endless. That is if you network enough.
There’s more than a way to skin a cat (as an animal rights advocate, I sort of hate this phrase). And as our tasks and jobs get more complex, the methods and principles behind it gets compounded. That means no matter what industry you are in, chances are the people on the other side of the planet do it differently.
I once went back home on a two week vacation and had a chance to compare notes (yes, I still do notes) with an old colleague who works on the same industry. It turns out what we know, how we do things, and the results we look for are worlds apart. It’s not necessary that one person do it better or more properly, it’s just our methods are varied. I went back to work with more ideas, fresh concepts, and simple innovations. Working abroad provides you with the mindset you can never obtain at home. Plus, if your new country is a prime destination for other expatriates, then learning the industry from workmates from other country gets more exciting, because this means more opinions, more theories, and a better understanding.
Working overseas will not only improve you as a person, it will add on oomph to your credentials as well and improve your chances of getting hired and/or climb the corporate ladder. Being an expatriate means you are independent, resourceful, and creative. It also means you can take calculated risk and are never afraid of trying new things. This also shows you are a team player and can work well with others, having interacted with people of various background, ethnicity, and culture before. Also, you have more unique skills and fresher ideas with you, having gone through your job from a different outlook (see global perspective above). These makes your credential jump out from the rest, separating you from the other sheltered applicants.
But this advantage isn’t limited from what’s written on your resume, but gets carried into the interview process as well. You’ll have more things, experiences, and topics to discuss in relation to your gig(s) abroad. The skills you learned, how you find them beneficial, and the way things are done oversees. The possibilities are endless. An entertained interviewer is just as important as an impressed one.